lucky for me
One battle still to be fought is finishing the bathroom. The custom shower pan is half done. The first mortar bed was laid long ago (by an actual plumber), then the CPE membrane (rubber liner) was applied. I now need another layer of mortar on top of the CPE membrane to finish the pan. This is the surface on which the tiles will be set. The Black & Decker Complete Guide to Bathrooms, from which I’m taking my cues for this task, tells me I need to use floor mortar or “deck mud”. So, I go strolling through the building materials section of Home Depot looking for the Quikrete bag that reads Floor Mortar or Deck Mud. Hm. No luck. I ask an associate, and he searches the aisles with me. Nothing. Well, I’m not a huge fan of Home Depot anyway. I prefer Lowe’s. If only there were one closer to my house.
In my never-ending effort to use the correct material for the job, I make the trek to Lowe’s. Stroll down their aisles. Looking for Floor Mortar. Deck Mud. Nothing. I ask for help. The guy’s very responsive. He has a cordless phone through which he can broadcast his voice on the store’s intercom, which he does, asking for the MOD to call him. [Note to retailers everywhere: if you want to make a customer feel important, make sure everyone in the entire store knows he needs help.] One short phone call later, and we have our answer. It’s in the flooring aisle. Of course! Where else would Floor Mortar be?
I stroll confidently to the flooring aisle, but all I find is thinset mortar, tile mastic, and grout. I should have known. I’ve spent a good part of the last four years in the flooring aisle. Surely, there’s been some mistake. I wander a bit more, but the wind’s gone from my sails. Dejected, I buy a concrete float (I haven’t yet lost all hope), and head home.
Then, at midnight, the time when all great ideas occur, it hits me. Maybe a specialty plumbing supply store will sell this mysterious, elusive substance. I run to the computer and fire up the Google. But, after a little reading, I find that Deck Mud isn’t a product. It’s a recipe. You make it yourself, with basic materials found at any Home Depot or Lowe’s: 5 parts sand to 1 part portland cement. Oh.
Lucky for me, nobody at Home Depot or Lowe’s knows anything about building stuff. That could have been embarrassing.